Marty exclaimed, “Pamela I have so much to do at the office, but I have to figure out how to not disappoint my wife and kids during the holidays!”
Unfortunately, Marty had come down with a bad case of the flu earlier this year. “I was so run down that the flu knocked me off of my feet. I just couldn’t come into the office for a week and then when returned to the firm; I had no energy, and it took me two or three weeks to recover.”
Marty continues, “Now it is the end of the year, and I have deadlines at the firm to meet. Besides all of the holiday parties, but I feel pressured to follow every family holiday traditions. I feel so overwhelmed and exhausted. I just don’t have the energy I used to have. I just wish I could just send my wife to the parties without me while I get my work done.”
During the holiday season, there are many parties, celebrations, and gatherings. You must either attend or give parties, and, of course, entertaining relatives and friends require you to spend lots of money on festive food and drink. Your hands must dig deep into your pockets for gifts, liquor, groceries, and there are travel expenses if you are going out of town. Of course, you have to pay the tabs for restaurants and bars.
The temptations and pressures to spend lots of money on food, cocktails, purchases and gifts lead to many lawyers feeling stressed. The stress continues once the bills roll in, and the lawyer sees the consequences of their actions. (The aftermath can include such things as gaining more weight, migraine headaches, lingering depression, ongoing hangovers, huge credit cards bills, overdrafts). These effects remain long after the end of the holidays and cause even more stress and depression.
Leo complained, “Just because I am a lawyer people assume I have money to burn. The truth is I had a down year. I have a large overhead in my solo practice. I also have to consider my tax payments the first quarter. Yet, my family and friends expect me to spend a lot of money on gifts and entertain lavishly. The truth is I don’t have the extra money this year, but I feel trapped. I’ll probably have to use credit cards to get through all of the celebrations.”
Tamara felt the pressure of the holidays and between her guilt and her anxiety it took a lot of her joy out of the holidays. “I come from a big family and our traditions go back for generations. I am expected to get all of the decorations done, a lot of baking, attend a ton of Christmas parties plus give a couple of parties myself. I have been too busy with my billable hours to do my shopping earlier. I try to get some shopping done on the Internet, but I’m going to have to find time to go the mall, which I absolutely dread.”
Samuel is just too depressed to look forward to the holidays at all. “Pamela, I have so much work to do at the office. Because of my depression I barely get through the day. When I arrive home, everyone is excited about the holidays. I am Jewish, and my wife is not so she does this double celebration of Hanukkah and Christmas, and I just don’t want to celebrate any of it. We have to travel to my wife’s family, and I feel like a fish out of water. For me, the holiday season feels like torture.”
Whether you are an attorney who loves the holidays or are too depressed to enjoy this celebratory season, you need tools to help you manage your end–of-the-year case loads and all of the celebrations around you.
If you have a tendency towards depression either genetically or due to your physiology, you need to be “especially careful” when coping with holiday stress. While it might take some conscious effort on your part, you can reduce your anxiety — and maybe even find some holiday joy.
Here are some tips to help you minimize the overwhelm that accompanies the holidays. You may even end up enjoying the season even more than you would have thought.
Twelve Tips to prevent holiday stress and depression
1. Be prepared: If you have experienced loss in your family, a beloved parent, a brother, a sister, a cherished child or even a dear friend, know that the holidays can be especially difficult. You may re-experience the loss, so be prepared. It is normal to feel sadness or grief even though it is the holidays. Instead of just feeling glum, do something active to celebrate their memory.
2. Be aware: Stress, anxiety and overwhelm cause depression so understand that holidays are times for a spike in depression for thousands if not millions of individuals, so you are not alone. Don’t be fooled by all of the smiles that surround you.
3. Have compassion for yourself: You can feel lonely or isolated, at a community, or religious or other social events especially if you are a lawyer. You can easily feel like a duck out of the water so be kind to yourself. You have buried yourself in work all year, so it is not always easy to assimilate. Volunteering your time to help others is a good way to lift your spirits and broaden your friendships. Volunteer to be the bartender or help your hosts and hostess with H’oedoerves can be a good icebreaker.
4. Be realistic: Don’t strive for perfection during the holidays. Things change, children grow up and leave empty nests. Sometimes they spend holidays with their in-laws, and that can hurt. Traditions and rituals need to grow with the family. Ask for family input instead of imposing out-of-date traditions that no one wants to follow. Don’t get hung up on what the holidays are supposed to be like and how you’re supposed to feel.
5. Set aside differences: Try to lower your expectations of family members and friends. There is a saying that “expectations” is a resentment waiting to happen. Remember people “will disappoint” you so go along with the flow. Try to save meaningful discussions until after the holidays have ended. If you try to take the holidays as they come and limit your expectations — both good and bad — you may enjoy them more.
6. Make a budget and stick to it: Before you go shopping for gifts and food, decide how much money you can afford to spend. Then stick to your budget. Don’t try to buy happiness with an avalanche of gifts. It NEVER works!
7. Plan ahead: People need to pace themselves, or they’ll get overwhelmed. Do as much of your shopping online to avoid the chaos at the stores. Gauge how much time you will need for work to close out the year. Plan a reasonable social schedule that does not exhaust you.
8. Just say no: Friends and colleagues at the firm must understand if you can’t participate in every party. Arrange your schedule and activities to make up for lost time at the office without depleting your energy. Don’t say yes to every invitation. Think about which parties and you can fit in — and which ones you really want to attend.
9. Don’t abandon healthy habits: Don’t let the holidays become a free-for-all. Overindulgence only adds to your stress and guilt; so avoid going overboard on sweets, cheese or drinks. If you wake up more two mornings with a hangover, it is time to sound the alarm and slow down on the alcohol.
10. Make sleep a priority: Don’t be the last one to leave the party. If you have to go to work, the next day don’t eat and drink too much so that you can feel rested the next day instead of feeling bloated all of the time and having a perpetual hangover. Remember eating large amounts of rich foods and drinking too much alcohol just before bed will affect the duration and quality of your sleep.
11. Pace yourself: Make some time for yourself. Just having 15 minutes alone, without distractions, will refresh you. Talk a walk, listen to some relaxing music, get a massage, read a favorite novel. I call this “selfish time” that you need for recharging your battery in order to have the energy to get everything done.
12. Drink plenty of water: Hydrating yourself by drinking plenty of water will not only give you increased energy, but it will also help your mood. Drinking a couple of glasses of water during parties will prevent you from over-eating and drinking too much alcohol and can save you from a hangover the next day.
According to Dr. Duckworth, “The holidays are a time of heavy drinking… It’s a common strategy for getting over anxiety about holiday parties or having the boss as your Secret Santa.” Remember that alcohol is a depressant and abusing it will leave you feeling worse. It also may not be safe for people taking antidepressant medication. Drinking and driving during the holidays can have disastrous results like a DUI or car accidents. Be sure always to have a designated driver!
While Christmas and the New Years come but once a year, it’s really a month long reverie of parties, music, eating and spending time with friends and family. Christmas isn’t always so great for lots of people. There are good reasons for it. If you or your family suffer from depression, recognize it is not a choice it is an illness. You would not beat up someone who had diabetes or cancer so don’t berate someone who suffers from depression.
A word of wisdom to those who suffer from depression. Because you do not feel cheery or joyous, you might begin to flagellate yourself. Stop dwelling on your imperfections or things you are not proud of. Dr. Duckworth tells us that this is the time to, “cut yourself some slack. This is not an easy time of year for a lot of people,” Duckworth goes on to say. “Be gentle with yourself.” It is the season of kindness and forgiveness, after all. Save some of it for yourself.
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Links
Read Attorneys Surviving the Holiday Stress and Anxiety Part I
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/attorneys-twelve-tips-survive-holiday-stress-anxiety-pamela
Christmas
http://www.lawyerswithdepression.com/articles/christmas/#SsZymowUQ7QoKuT8.99
Stress, depression and the holidays: Tips for coping
http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress/art-20047544?pg=2
Holiday Depression and Stress
http://www.webmd.com/depression/holiday-depression-stress
Holiday
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