Every successful lawyer knows that failure is a part of winning. However, attorneys hide their failures or weaknesses despite the fact that it is an integral part of life.
Meet Holly
I remember a dear friend, Holly, a young attorney at the time. She had a most beautiful daughter. One day she called me about twenty-five years ago. “Pamela!” She could hardly stop crying. “They asked to speak with my daughter Megan’s first-grade teacher.”
Megan was the most adorable little girl with curly hair and big beautiful eyes. “Go on,” I said.
“They told me that Megan needed to go to special education. She has severe motor skill problems. Her teacher said she never saw anyone with such a severe disability. She told me that Megan could barely hold her pencil correctly!”
Holly was confused, discouraged and felt like a failure as a parent, as a woman and as a lawyer. She kept asking herself why she had not noticed her daughter’s problems.
Lawyers and Failure
Lawyers face setbacks, disappointments, and failures whether they have been practicing for one month or many decades.
Because the law is extremely complicated there is more likelihood that things can go wrong, there will be errors. Lawyers have significant anxiety triggered by the idea that they may have missed a minor detail.
Clients pay for a desired result. Yet the outcome of any given case is never completely up to the solicitor
Pulling all-nighters, researching every angle and writing the most brilliant brief. The fact remains that a judge may still rule against the lawyer.
Hiding Failure and Weaknesses from the World
Lawyers spend much time and energy covering up any failure.
Failure or any sign of weakness must be hidden and concealed. Any suggestion of vulnerability cannot be tolerated. It is an enormous burden to put on the façade of success twenty-four hours, seven days per week.
Especially on court day, it doesn’t matter whether a lawyer is sick, their family member is ill or if their dog died. All of this has to be hidden from the judge and opposing counsel.
Holly and Her Daughter
Before our phone call ended Holly made up her mind, she was not going to give up on her daughter. She declared that she would hire tutors and physical therapist to work on Megan’s motor skills. Holly realized that she needed the experts to overcome these problems.
Megan’s challenges were not as severe as Holly thought. She discovered that Megan had dyslexia. With instructors, tutors, and physical therapists, Megan struggled through grammar school and began to excel in high school.
Megan went to college and on to a prestigious Ivy League graduate school. She is a successful executive who travels throughout Europe with a large corporation. Holly like many parents refused to give up.
Many lawyers, like Holly, have major obstacles to overcome yet that they refuse to give up and then beat the odds. Here are seven tips to overcome seemingly insurmountable situations either at home or in your practice.
7 Quick Tips to Bounce Back After a Failure
1. Recognize That You Can Only Do Your Best Let Go of the Outcome.
The only thing you truly control is yourself. Remember, you have no control over your opposing counsel, the other client, the witnesses, the judge, the jury, and on many days, not even your own client.
2. Don’t Beat Yourself Up
Refuse to think about the failure over and over the “could haves” or “would haves.” It only makes things worse. When things didn’t go as expected, don’t tell yourself that you are no good or a failure or a terrible lawyer or awful human being. You must give yourself a break.
3. Stop Abusing Your Health
Take care of your health by getting enough sleep, exercise, and healthy food. Self-care is crucial to maintaining a healthy mind and body. It enhances your natural ability to bounce back from difficulties.
4. Avoid Destructive Behaviors
Do something positive for yourself. Avoid destructive behavior such as resorting to alcohol, overworking, engaging in retail therapy, or other commonly misused pleasures. Instead go for a walk, a movie, a concert, spend time with a supportive spouse or friend.
5. Recognize That Everyone Experiences Failure
One way you can cultivate resilience is by acknowledging that difficulties, adversities, failures, and suffering are part of every human experience. Make time to recognize the pain and disappointment this is a part of your resilience.
6. Remember Your Successes
Don’t let your disappointment or failure eat at you. Think about your successes and the good things you have done. Whatever you would tell a good friend say it to yourself. Speak with someone who is encouraging or supportive of you. Go to a positive place; be around positive and supportive people.
7. Find Support
Practicing law can be a very isolating experience. Because everyone else is hiding their failures, it can appear as though you’re the only one experiencing setbacks and everyone else is doing just fine. The happiest lawyers find a good mentor, coach or friend to keep a proper perspective.
It is important for every lawyer to admit if you do not have people in your life with whom you feel comfortable sharing your difficulties. Seek outside professional help. Many times I hear my clients say, “I don’t know how I could have done this without you.”
You Have Bounce-Back Power
Remember, your law career is a lifelong journey. It’s not a linear experience. Being a lawyer is hard. Practice being kind to yourself. Find healthy and constructive ways of practicing self-care. Understand that failure and disappointment are just part of being a good lawyer.
Be sure to get the emotional and business support that so that
2017 will be your best year ever.
“I help law firms and lawyers increase profits and engage their lawyers.”
Pamela DeNeuve
pamela@pameladeneuve.com
904-607-1211
call or email me to schedule an informal conversation to engage and reduce stress for 2017
calendly.com/pdeneuve
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