Meet David
His favorite topic was how he had worked his way to the top from nothing. ” I began in a small town. My daddy was a barber. People looked down on my family. There were six kids, and we were dirt poor.”
David paused, finished his drink as this favorite waiter, in a crisp, starched white jacket sat down his replacement. “I didn’t know how I could get out. After enlisting in the army, I kept educating myself. I worked. I suffered. I sacrificed. That is what I expect all of my lawyers to do: Work! Suffer! Sacrifice! I expect perfection.”
Ordinarily, I did not attend dinner meetings as a sought-after partner recruiter. However, we were working on a sensitive and extremely volatile deal to bring in a talented international group to David’s firm.
The deal had hit a roadblock, and the entire negotiation was about to explode. David expected me to fix it and, of course, I did.
I never saw David after that. About nine months later I heard that he had a massive heart attack at his desk late night. He was only in his fifties it was very sad. When a lawyer is too demanding, insisting on perfectionism of themselves and others, they risk the enjoyment of our career, families and longevity in a legal practice due to perfectionism.
What is Perfectionism?
The clinical view of perfectionism usually involves setting excessive and high personal standards. Perfectionists are stringently evaluating their behavior and those around them in light of these criteria. A perfectionist almost always imposes their unrealistic standards upon others.
Psychologists consider that perfectionism can be a handicap. They note that perfectionists are prone to distress and often haunted by a persistent sense of failure, indecisiveness and subject to procrastination and shame.
Perfectionism and Lawyers
Perfectionism is the minimum standard for many lawyers, especially litigators. Lawyers do not give themselves the luxury of making even the smallest mistake. The constant pressure of “what ifs” hover over their heads, beating away, demanding more and more excellence as the lawyer himself or herself disappears in the illusion of this impossible standard.
A law career seeking perfectionism means that life is an endless report card on accomplishments, appearances and standing in the legal community. When an attorney needs to get everything exactly right, it can be a threat to their ability to have longevity, satisfaction, and lasting success in their career.
Perhaps the shame of being a barber’s son haunted David, so he went above and beyond for his career and expected everyone who reported to him to do the same. He had no patience for mistakes or excuses.
Perfectionism unchecked can be a fast track to health problems, unhappiness, depression, heavy drinking, tranquilizers, heartburn, indigestion or migraines.
Five Tips to Rescue Yourself From Perfectionism
Tip No. 1: Compete with yourself and do your best.
Perfectionists are very competitive. They spend too much time comparing themselves to others. Trying to one-up a colleague and spending an inordinate amount of energy trying to make sure that your accomplishments, possessions, and standing tower over others is a dead-end street.
Tip No. 2: Lighten up
Try to remember you are not performing heart surgery. If your demeanor and stress level is like you have a heart patient on the table, and your mistake is a matter of life and death, keep your perspective.
In most instances, your case is not a matter of life and death. You will accomplish much more and increase your effectiveness if you stop stressing yourself out.
Tip No. 3: Avoid Focusing on Failure
Life is full of risks. There are no guarantees. The only thing anyone can do is to perform his or her best. Spending your time avoiding failure is a negative orientation. Give your work the best you have to offer.
Tip No. 4: Admit that making mistakes and imperfections is human, and YOU ARE HUMAN
Lawyers who think that it is inexcusable to make a mistake try to force an inhuman standard on others to cover up their imperfections.
Once an attorney accepts their humanity, this is not an excuse to become sloppy or haphazard but tempers excellence with realistic goals.
Tip No. 5: Stop nitpicking yourself or others
Determine a realistic standard of excellence that includes your humanity, making mistakes, and learning from them. Allow others to also make mistakes.
Attorneys who are most successful realize that practicing law is a journey and not a destination. They focus on improving each year that they practice, setting realistic goals and objectives. They keep in mind the longevity and enjoyment of their careers.
My Last Conversation with David
I only spoke with David one more time before he lost his battle due to extreme damage to the heart. Even on his deathbed, he was tying up loose ends.
We were about to end our conversation. He almost whispered, “Pamela, don’t get me wrong; I wouldn’t change anything in my life. I achieved more than most men. However, I think I got it wrong about suffering and sacrificing. I could have made more time for my wife, my sons.”
David’s voice trailed off. He was weak, and I heard he lost his battle one week later. I think what David was saying that he was proud of his successful career as a lawyer, but he didn’t have to be so perfect.
Retention and Perfectionism
The legal profession has a heavy concentration of perfectionist. If an associate intends to stay at their firm or practicing law in the long term, perfectionism must be tamed. Partners want to avoid setting unreasonably high standards on associates to decrease attrition rates.
Both partners and associates want to ask themselves, “Am I ready to practice a sensible, accurate, focused, forward-moving and progressive law practice?
Admitting that you are not perfect is a PERFECT beginning.
When you work using the best of your abilities it does not include having migraines, indigestion, having to drink lots of alcohol or drugs just to get through the day. Focus on the task at hand completely in the moment without obsessing about the “what if’s.”
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