Philip had locked himself in his bedroom. He had threatened to take his life, but he made the call. Earlier that day, Philip had an appointment with his therapist. He had also had seen his psychiatrist that same week.
Philip cried over the phone, “Pamela, none of these things are working!” He was ready to end it all. I drove from Santa Monica Canyon to Palos Verdes, an affluent community in California, to Philip’s house. There were no cell phones back then, and I drove as fast as the law allowed.
He told me that his door was closed, but he had unlocked it. I slowly advanced upstairs of his empty mansion, calling his name. “Philip, are you there? Are you okay?”
Philip slowly opened the door. He was in tears, but he was okay. He was still ALIVE!
Philip went on to begin to get over his depression. He worked hard to resolve his problems. They no longer seemed insurmountable, and he saved his law practice. During this time, I never gave up on Philip.
How did this story begin? Why was I there?
I have to begin with my own story. My youngest had just left for college. It was late in the 1990s, and I was experiencing what I guessed was empty nest syndrome.
“I can’t shake my depression.” I thought. I could barely wake up in the morning. I was experiencing panic attacks.
My legs and arms felt as if they weighed a ton. I was sweating profusely. To get dressed felt like I had done’s a day’s work because it seemed to take so much effort.
After getting dressed, I would sit there exhausted and perspiring because I had worked so hard.
“What’s wrong!” I thought. “I used to get up at 6:00 a.m. and run three miles before work. I’d get the kids off to school.”
My doctor’s check-up went fine. Yet, each morning when I opened my eyes, I felt overwhelmed with depression and hopelessness. I wish I had died in my sleep. “I can’t go on,” I thought.
I was seeing a therapist, and a psychiatrist put me on Prozac, but it backfired. Medicated, I walked around like a zombie. I walked around in a daze. Everything seemed so far away. At that time in my life, there seemed to be nowhere to turn. There was nothing to look forward to.
After a bad day when everything seemed to be unbelievably horrible, I said to myself. “If I can heal and get over this, I will help others!”
With diligence, a commitment to do the deep work: ongoing daily study, treatment, and changes in my life from A-Z, I overcame that depression and never looked back.
To keep my promise, I trained to become a coach. Coaching was just beginning in the 1990s, and in California, there were plenty of courses at that time. I took as many as I could.
I opened my office in Santa Monica, ready to coach the world. But the lawyers came. And then more lawyers came.
One lawyer gave his colleague my services as an anniversary gift. A couple where both were high-powered lawyers came. Some were suicidal. Others were depressed. Many had experienced mid-life crises. The majority had practiced for 15+ years. Quite a few were Baby Boomers like me. Lawyers came who had problems unable to perform their duties in their practice.
I didn’t understand it, but they kept coming. This was before decades before coaching was widespread, almost twenty years before all of the current information about lawyer depression, addiction, and suicides.
I kept my promise, and I learned more and more about lawyers, their problems, and issues. Some lawyers called me the lawyer whisperer.
It was my gift and my mission. Phillip had been a client, and then he and his family became friends.
One day at the Thanksgiving table, his wife announced that she was filing for divorce. She was taking their four children and going to take Phillip to the cleaners. She got an expensive lawyer, and the battle began.
That day when Phillip was upstairs threatening to end his life, the divorce had grown nasty and vicious. None of his children were speaking to him.
Phillip lost the will to keep fighting, and he saw no recourse but to end his life.
I knew that feeling. I had been there and done that. I knew how to help him.
In reviewing my life, as I do from time to time, I ask myself, why this is my mission is to help lawyers, or why is it my calling?
It just happened. I didn’t say one day I will work with lawyers, but my clients have overcome tremendous odds. I see their entire lives being transformed.
I work with attorneys, usually, those who are having a mid-life crisis. As a Baby Boomer, I have been around the block a few times. I have had to overcome incredible odds myself, as a minority, as a woman, and yet I never gave up. And I never give up on my clients.
For a private preliminary screening, click the link below for my calendar:
https://calendly.com/pdeneuve/complimentary-call
#lawyers #attorneys #lawfirms #solicitors #mentalhealthintheworkplace #lawyerwellbeing #depression
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